


Lactose and Tolerance

by Sarielle



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 3rd person pov, A Talmood if you will, Big Jewish Mood, Cheesecake, Established Relationship, Food, Good omens is jewish and so I am I, Jewish Character, Jewish Holidays, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), M/M, POV Jewish Character, Shavuos, Shavuot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarielle/pseuds/Sarielle
Summary: Sixteen-year-old Sol ends up as an awkward eavesdropper in an argument between two odd men about the human necessity to eat cheesecake.





	Lactose and Tolerance

**Author's Note:**

> x-posted from a tumblr post I made in order to include this in the Good Omensch Collection. I imagine Crowley and Aziraphale just crash random shuls on holidays to hang out, eat and argue like the rest of us. This was largely written because I was too sick to attend Tikkun Leil Shavuot and I'm still craving cheesecake despite knowing it will make my dumb ass sick.

Sol Zussman was tired and he couldn’t breathe through his nose, but it wasn’t even nine on Tikkun Leil Shavuot he had another few hours to get through yet.

He’d been sitting at the same table as his family but his sister’s friend had taken his seat when he got up to get more cheesecake.

Instead of inciting Leah’s ire and asking the girl to move. Sol decided to take a seat at the nearby table that was empty except for two men seated opposite each other who seemed to be arguing and flirting at the same time.

The fair-haired man smiled tightly in acknowledgment of Sol before turning back to his conversation.

“This isn’t a criticism, dear heart, so don’t take it as such.”

“You’re about to chew my ear off is what that means.” His partner - a slick-looking man in dark Elton John glasses- replied pulling a face of fond long-sufferance before popping another blintz in his mouth.

“I don’t really understand the whole point of eating dairy, I mean I certainly don’t remember there being cows at Sinai, do you? Perhaps there were some goats somewhere and I’m just forgetting.”

“Are you asking for the reason D’Rabbanan or D’Crowley?” Glasses guy asked.

“If I wanted a rabbi’s answer I wouldn’t be sitting here watching you gorge yourself now would I?” The fair-haired man murmured with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Sol watched him twist and untwist the tzitzit of his tallit around his squat fingers absent-mindedly. He wasn’t eating but he was nursing a hot mug of something that smelt sweet and spicy and extremely comforting.

“I think it’s human nature to want what they can’t have, you know what with the forbidden fruit, etc, etc.”

Glasses guy said and if to punctuate his point he picked up a grape off his plate threw it up in the air and caught it in his mouth again.

His partner put his curly blond head in his tzitzit wrapped hands.

“Oh good lord, Crowley, do we have to start with this old chestnut? It’s a Yom Tov.”

“Let me finish, angel, eating dairy on Shavuot is an Ashkenazi tradition, no?” Crowley, was it? cocked his head to the side like some kind of goth Jewish bird.

Fair-haired man spared a side glance at Sol who was quietly eavesdropping as he packed away his third cheesecake slice, ignoring the rising unease in his stomach as he did so.

“And what of it?” He said.

“Guess who has a higher rate of lactose intolerance than most other ethnic groups?”

“Is it Ashkenazim, dear?” He partner asked with a sigh.

Glasses man or Crowley, whoever, nodded. “It is indeed.”

“What’s your point? We eat dairy because we shouldn’t?”

“We can do whatever we wish. I just think it’s a beautiful example of humanity pushing themselves. I admire it, you know?”

Now he was wildly gesticulating in the air with both hands like Sol’s dad did on Pesach after the third or fourth cup of wine.

“The balls of the thing, the _chutzpah_! ‘I’m going eat another bowl of Ice cream in the name of the Almighty and to He-um- to Gehenna with the consequences!’ Don’t you think that’s beautiful, _dodi?”_

“I think we have a different definition of what is beautiful, but it’s an interesting thought.” The other man said softly.

Sol looked down at his plate that had previously been piled high with dairy and chuckled to himself.

“See? He agrees with me.” Crowley murmured with a smirk.

Sol’s laughter turned very quickly into wet coughing as the cheesecake started to register in his system.

The blond man reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an unopened packet of LactAid and slid it across the table to Sol.

“Pace yourself, young man, we’ve more of this holiday yet to celebrate.”


End file.
